So, how’s the writing going?

What writers are thinking when you ask them “how’s the writing going?”:

  • Great! Do you have an hour for me to explain the plot to you in detail?
  • I’ve finished numbering all the pages. Now it’s time to select a font.
  • My main character’s a jerk. He never does what I tell him.
  • Why are you asking? You know I haven’t actually worked on the book in weeks don’t you?
  • Oh crap! I’ve forgotten where commas go! And what the hell is a semi-colon?!
  • My daily writing goal is 800 words a day. I’ve written 799 and I have no idea what to write next.
  • Great! How’s your diet coming along?
  • If I stare at a blank page long enough my eyes start to see colors. Eventually those colors will turn into words, I just know it.
  • Oh fine. I haven’t been spending my writing sessions reading comic books, I swear.
  • I like doing this better than my day job. I don’t mind if it never pays off. I really don’t.
  • My fingers hurt.
  • My back hurts.
  • My brain hurts.
  • I need a hug.
  • Where’s my coffee?
  • Great! How’s playing video games working out for you? Just kidding. I miss them so much!
  • I think I’ll write faster with a new keyboard.
  • I think writing by hand is best.
  • I’m going to buy myself a new leather notebook and fill it with stories.
  • I don’t need writing prompts.
  • I’m doing research on the internet. Google knows every Spanish word right?
  • Great! How’s living in your mother’s basement?
  • Answering my e-mail is writing, right?
  • I could use a snack.
  • My friend’s writing is so much better than my own.
  • I can write a better book than Twilight.
  • Great! How’s that rash been clearing up?
  • I write best if I wake up at the crack of dawn.
  • I write best after I’ve had a few drinks late at night.
  • Don’t panic.
  • You just want me to ask about your book don’t you? Conversational reciprocity, eh? Well, I’ll have none of it!
  • Any day now I’ll know where the hell this story is going.
  • Great! I’ve only rewritten the first line ten times!
  • I never forget witch words to use.
  • I haven’t mixed up my character’s names.
  • All of my character’s names do not begin with the letter C. Though they could.
  • Drawing fractals IS working on the book. Or it was anyway.
  • I need another notebook for the bedroom, in case I have any good ideas. And a waterproof one for the bathroom.
  • Great! I’m thinking of tweezing my eyebrows.
  • Microsoft Word doesn’t think my title is a word.
  • I like OpenOffice. It counts my quotation marks as words (really).
  • What I really need is a typewriter. Or a typewriter sound for my keyboard.
  • I’ve been thinking of trying Balzac’s writing trick. Just kidding!
  • Great! So when are you and Deb gonna start having children?
  • Seriously, where is my coffee?

What we actually say:

  • It’s coming along.
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3 Comments

Filed under Writing

3 responses to “So, how’s the writing going?

  1. This is a kick in the pants. http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2013/02/20/how-to-push-past-the-bullshit-and-write-that-goddamn-novel-a-very-simple-no-fuckery-writing-plan-to-get-shit-done/?subscribe=success#blog_subscription-2

    And personally I LOVED that article. I think I’d like to combine e.e. cummings muses with Hemmingway’s methods. I’d start with Simenon’s method over Balzac. I’ve thought of using sex as a reward for reaching word counts though. Hey whatever works. I’m documenting my own creative issues to find out exactly what works for me.

    Also if you do use Simenon’s tactics over Balzac it could help answer question So when are you and Deb gonna start having children? Potentially anyway depending on if you’re actually wanting children now.

    • Ha ha, yeah. For clarity’s sake the implication is that Deb is the wife of the person asking the question and when they are having children is the question every young married seems to get from co-workers and friends, thus nearly as annoying as asking about book progress. I find Balzac’s methods amusing (especially in light of his unfortunate name), but drinking copious amounts of coffee has proven an able enough solution for myself. Just trying to embody the plight of all others like me 🙂 Glad you enjoyed the post.

      • Ah yes, eventually ppl stopped asking me when I would marry and have kids. I loathed those grillings.

        Today I’m going to try hitting something. Boxing maybe. Then a jog. I’ve got energy to expend. I’ll see how that works out.

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