I was out walking my dog early this morning, which frankly at 5am can be a little spooky with just the baseline chill and darkness. But something happened between Monday and today to make the world a more mysterious and deadly place, Halloween decorations.
Now I’m explaining to my dog that the tombstones in someone’s yard are not a threat, and that the flashing light across the corner is not gunfire, but someone’s idea of fun. I walk under street lights and by orange strands of the nightmare before Christmas lights. And I have the resist the urge to literally punch a cackling skeleton pirate at the thrift store yesterday. It was right by the checkout aisle and was continuously being set off (while some of us where just trying to browse for CD’s). If I worked in that place I would have beaten that thing to a plastic pulp after a few hours of that maniacal laughter.
Now don’t get me wrong, I like Halloween, specifically the candy and movies part. On Beggar’s Night I will sit on my porch, playing spooky music out of my laptop (or watching the classic Trek episode Catspaw), and handing out chocolate (because that is the best candy no matter what anyone tries to tell you). I will complement people’s costumes, and reward the unique and the strange with extra candy. Fair warning, Power Rangers and Twilight characters get nothing. Also teenagers above the age of 14 should be handing out candy, not asking me for it (if you hand it out, you still get to eat it).
In the month leading up to Halloween I will make a point of watching It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, Young Frankenstein, the aforementioned Catspaw and all 25 Simpson’s Treehouse of Horror episodes (including the new one). I’ll equally throw in a couple of the Home Improvement Halloween episodes, Boston Legal, Community and maybe Garfield (though frankly that one is kinda bad).
I will even succumb to eating a little candy corn which is like eating candle wax but is strangely irresistible each year.
But decorating for Halloween like it’s Christmas, this I can do without. Actually you can do whatever you want, but if you have a ghost on your front lawn that spooks my dog, don’t be surprised to find it chewed to bits the next morning 😉
What are your Halloween traditions (and am I way off about the decorating thing being weird)?