Tag Archives: Humor

XPocalypse Next

Well, you’ve survived the XPocalypse, but you’ve only got a few years to prepare for Microsoft’s next disaster, the end of Vista. We’ve got the XPocalypse, but what should we call the last days of Vista?

windows-vista

Here are a few suggestions. Feel free to submit your own in the comments:

  • eVisteration
  • Vistactomy
  • God help the Vista who gets between me and my sista
  • Visteria
  • Vistopia
  • Hasta la Vista, Baby
  • And God help the Vista who gets between me and my man
  • Vistastrophe
  • Die Die Die
  • Vistacular
  • Vistalitus
  • Alta Vista
  • C’est la Vista

Any thoughts?

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Filed under Trube On Tech

The cat is my fault

please do not leave drinks unattended the cat is an asshole dr heckle funny wtf signs

Ever since a trip to Punderson a few years ago, leaving our cat Dax at home for more than a few days is a toss up as to which kind of cat we’ll have when we get back. Either she’ll be the lovey, snuggly cat, who missed her humans, or she’ll be the living terror that has peed on everything in the house.

This last trip we got the latter (though she tried to make up for it with some purry snuggling nonetheless). The last few days have brought new discoveries and new locales. Typically she just likes to pee on the front and back doors, but now she added the sink and our piano. Fortunately in both cases the damage was minimal.

Our cat adopted us a little more than four years ago on Halloween night, running up onto the porch on beggar’s night and refusing to leave. Us keeping her rather than giving her to a shelter was entirely my fault. I decided at a critical moment to quote scripture, whatever you do for the least of these you do for me. She was thin and in need and we helped her. And we do love her.

On a completely separate note Brian and I were having a conversation a few weeks ago with a woman who was describing a restaurant she went to out east (not the east coast rather, but China and the surrounding countries). She said that the only things with four legs they didn’t eat were tables and chairs. Writing this as my cat tries to suck up to me because she suspects what I’m writing I think, just for a second, they might have the right idea.

But isn’t she cute?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

My wife is right, this cat is totally my fault.

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Where do you get your ideas? (Fiction)

Common answers to the question asked of all writers: “Where do you get your ideas?”

  • I keep writing until something happens, then I cut all the stuff in between.
  • Dreams. Be happy I only remember about 10% of them.
  • Episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
  • An actual conversation between me and my spouse.
  • My dog.
  • Some time after beer number three.
  • Some time after coffee number twelve.
  • Between 1:00am and 4:30am, if I have the language skills to get them down on paper.
  • In the shower.
  • On my commute.
  • Right before I fall asleep, gone before I wake up.
  • Sitting on the love-seat staring at my wife talking, knowing I should be listening (not that often I swear).
  • Staring at the books in my office.
  • Sitting in long meetings.
  • Listening to Shostakovich.
  • During the sermon when I should be paying attention for my Going Deeper post.
  • On long walks.
  • On the porcelain throne.
  • A story I head on NPR.
  • An article I read in Publisher’s Weekly.
  • Wandering randomly on the interweb.
  • Sipping hot chocolate on a cold, snowy, blustery winter’s night.
  • Childhood experience.
  • College experiment (not what you’re thinking).
  • Watching my friends.
  • Honestly I have no idea.

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Filed under Writing

Did you know I’m writing a book?

What your friends and family think when you say “I’m writing a book”:

  • I know, you’ve told me twenty times already.
  • Same book you’ve been writing for seven years?
  • When do you have time for that?
  • That’s nice. Can you take out the garbage?
  • Does it have vampires?
  • Does it have zombies?
  • Can I get a free copy?
  • Cool. So who’s going to edit?
  • Self-publishing or really publishing?
  • So your main character’s name is the same as yours, and he looks a lot like you, eh?
  • I asked you how you’re doing. I see my mistake now.
  • Do I get a spot in your acknowledgements?
  • You look tired.
  • Cool. What color are your aliens?
  • Any alien sex?
  • Where do you get your ideas?
  • So what causes the apocalypse in your book? Unchecked overdue books?
  • You always had a lot to say.
  • I like Twilight. Is it like Twilight?
  • Do you need a hug?
  • Who’s your inspiration?
  • Cool. If I buy your book will you buy something from my Etsy store?

What they really say:

  • That’s nice.

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Filed under Writing