Tag Archives: Mandelbrot

Author Enters Rehab For Fractal Addiction

Ben Trube, author and one-time CMT background audience member, has admitted himself into the Helge von Koch Fractal Addiction treatment center earlier this week, following an incident that nearly resulted in the destruction of his home.

“I’m doing this for my family,” Trube said in a short statement.

According to reports, Trube had been working on a new technique for visualizing the Mandelbrot set when his laptop caught fire, destroying many treasured chotskies including a Pikachu made of Legos and a Snoopy stuffed animal.

“I’ve learned a lot about loss since that fire,” Trube added.

Trube’s addiction reportedly began sometime in late elementary school, with occasional math outbursts in his mid-teens.

“We’d walk down the hallway and suddenly there would be dozens of Sierpinski Triangles plastered all over the walls,” reported a former WKHS administrator. “Sometimes it took hours to pull those staples out of the corkboard.”

“I thought he’d left it all behind in college,” Trube’s wife stated when reached for comment. “But then he got the idea to write a book, and that brought it all flooding back.”

Soon the Trube home was buried in books by Saupe, Wolfram, and Devaney. In the months that followed, Trube reportedly sank dozens of dollars into any penny book he could find on Amazon.

“He’d light up when he found one with a floppy [disk] in the back,” Trube’s wife reported.

Sales of the new fractal book allegedly only served to deepen the author’s obsessive behavior.

“It became all he’d talk about at night. I’d be trying to go to bed, and all he’d want to talk about is L-Systems or some new Indian Kolam he’d discovered,” Mrs. Trube lamented.

An unnamed source within the Koch center reported that treatment has not been going well.

“He got a hold of a pencil and started drawing a dragon curve on his wall. When we tried to restrain [Trube] he started shouting ‘Z-two is Z-one squared plus c‘!”

Promotional Poster drawn by Trube for non-existent fractal MMA match.

Promotional Poster for non-existent fractal MMA match.

Nationwide, fractal addiction is the leading cause of death among mathematicians aged 80-100.

“Dr. Mandelbrot has a non-zero amount of blood on his hands.”

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Mathematicians Protest Starbucks “War On Fractals”

Mathematicians on over 100 of America’s college campuses have expressed outrage over the new Starbucks red cup design.

“It’s a slap in the face,” said Dr. Emmet Lindenmayer. “Winter has been a traditional fractal holiday for decades.”

In previous years, the Starbucks holiday cup has featured snowflakes and other fractal symbols such as bare trees and Santa Claus’ beard.

The Starbucks red cup is just the latest blow in the so called “War on Fractals”. The coming El Nino for 2015 is expected to significantly reduce snowfall, cutting the number of unique falling fractals by hundreds of millions.

When reached for comment, Benoit Mandelbrot, coiner of the term “fractal” and author of many fractal books said: “I’ve been dead for five years.”

The fractal protesters have found a surprising ally in the Koch brothers, who have offered $200 million to affix eponymous “Koch Snowflake” stickers to every red cup in America.

“People should have the right to put fractals on their frappuccinos,” remarked David Koch.

Starbucks has attempted to placate the protesters by offering almond bread and Sierpinski’s squares bakery treats. The new items aren’t going over very well with customers, however.

“These Sierpinski Squares taste like nothing,” said Bernard Sholer, “And what the heck is almond bread anyway?”

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