What writers are thinking when you ask them “how’s the writing going?”:
- Great! Do you have an hour for me to explain the plot to you in detail?
- I’ve finished numbering all the pages. Now it’s time to select a font.
- My main character’s a jerk. He never does what I tell him.
- Why are you asking? You know I haven’t actually worked on the book in weeks don’t you?
- Oh crap! I’ve forgotten where commas go! And what the hell is a semi-colon?!
- My daily writing goal is 800 words a day. I’ve written 799 and I have no idea what to write next.
- Great! How’s your diet coming along?
- If I stare at a blank page long enough my eyes start to see colors. Eventually those colors will turn into words, I just know it.
- Oh fine. I haven’t been spending my writing sessions reading comic books, I swear.
- I like doing this better than my day job. I don’t mind if it never pays off. I really don’t.
- My fingers hurt.
- My back hurts.
- My brain hurts.
- I need a hug.
- Where’s my coffee?
- Great! How’s playing video games working out for you? Just kidding. I miss them so much!
- I think I’ll write faster with a new keyboard.
- I think writing by hand is best.
- I’m going to buy myself a new leather notebook and fill it with stories.
- I don’t need writing prompts.
- I’m doing research on the internet. Google knows every Spanish word right?
- Great! How’s living in your mother’s basement?
- Answering my e-mail is writing, right?
- I could use a snack.
- My friend’s writing is so much better than my own.
- I can write a better book than Twilight.
- Great! How’s that rash been clearing up?
- I write best if I wake up at the crack of dawn.
- I write best after I’ve had a few drinks late at night.
- Don’t panic.
- You just want me to ask about your book don’t you? Conversational reciprocity, eh? Well, I’ll have none of it!
- Any day now I’ll know where the hell this story is going.
- Great! I’ve only rewritten the first line ten times!
- I never forget witch words to use.
- I haven’t mixed up my character’s names.
- All of my character’s names do not begin with the letter C. Though they could.
- Drawing fractals IS working on the book. Or it was anyway.
- I need another notebook for the bedroom, in case I have any good ideas. And a waterproof one for the bathroom.
- Great! I’m thinking of tweezing my eyebrows.
- Microsoft Word doesn’t think my title is a word.
- I like OpenOffice. It counts my quotation marks as words (really).
- What I really need is a typewriter. Or a typewriter sound for my keyboard.
- I’ve been thinking of trying Balzac’s writing trick. Just kidding!
- Great! So when are you and Deb gonna start having children?
- Seriously, where is my coffee?
What we actually say:
- It’s coming along.